Why are we here?

I often ask myself, why am I here? What am I doing? There are times when these questions pain me. I feel like I am not contributing enough. And then something happens, there is a shift. A cause. A need. A reason. I think we all struggle with wanting to do more.

Becoming a mother has enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. I always knew I wanted to have children but after struggling for many years without success I thought I would have to let that dream quietly slip away. And then I met Sara. The love of my life. Someone who loves me in a way I never thought possible. She supports me, she challenges me, she encourages me, she make me laugh, she makes me cry. Both happy and sad tears. She is the person I have chosen to have at my side as I walk through this complicated and complex world. She is my best friend. She is the mother of my children. She is my love.

Happiness is ethereal. I remember Sara telling me that her Dad once told her that she shouldn’t strive for happiness which is out of a person’s control. In this life one should measure their accomplishments or successes by how they achieve their goals, how they choose to fulfill themselves and their families. I like that.

I feel most fulfilled when I am actively participating in making things better. That might be helping a friend in need, donating time and effort to a particular cause, or holding onto my daughter’s perfect little fingers as she takes her first steps.

With only a couple of months to go, the TriAdventure is my primary focus in the area of giving back. My success will be measured by the amount of money I can raise for the 51 children of Nikibasika and by challenging myself physically in the 3-day triathlon.

I know the answers will change but the questions will remain the same. Why am I here? What am I doing?

 

Recovering in Bilbao

I’m now sitting on the terrace in La Herradura, back in the south – safe from the physical challenges of the trail and from the lure of more strenuous tourism.  Safe in my lounge chair watching the sun set over the Mediterranean and behind the Cerro Gordo, comfortably acknowledging that the twins have settled quietly for the night.  Phewf.

After five, six days on the trail – I’m not even sure how many since it was a blur – Bilbao presented itself as a refuge for recovery after the immediate but short-lived respite San Sebastian had offered us.  We are extremely grateful to our new friend, Amaya, who offered us her flat in the very heart of the city.  While we weren’t able to get out and about as much as we would have liked, the apartment became home and a safe place for Willow and Theo to explore and recuperate.

Unfortunately, the twins both came down with colds; Willow first sported the fever but Theo quickly followed.  Their little heads held more snot than we imagined possible.  One morning, I ran across the house to the sound of sixteen miniature sneezes, which came in quick succession one after the other.  Willow had practically blown herself backwards the length of the rather long hallway. Of course, she found it funny.

Despite the colds we were able to get out and see a little of the city.  For the first time in their lives, our little people were authentic tourists as much as we were.  They enjoyed the unexpected pleasure and excitement of stumbling across a hidden gem – a children’s park – in the downtown of an old European city.  Willow and Theo held onto our fingers and staggered drunkenly – or so it seemed — from attraction to attraction.  We tried to make sure that they didn’t get run over by the swarm of children.  Next, a long walk along the water after which we settled into an evening aperativo outside the Guggenheim where another few hundred tourists and a jazz trio accompanied us.   Willow and Theo, however, had their best adventures in the apartment – from their fifth storey window they watched the residents and their pets go by down on the street and they each bravely took their first steps.

After a week, we left Bilbao anxious to get home – back to the coast on the south.  (Of course we did make time for a quick visit to the new Decathlon outside San Sebastian, a store much like MEC which offered us the opportunity to shop and the twins a chance to challenge themselves on a bouldering wall and a textured shoe-testing ramp.) We were, however, so psyched to get back and to get our kids back to their own environment that we did the fifteen hours of driving in one stretch.  And, now, here I sit after the exhausting push of travelling with twins, finally ready to contemplate what was an exciting adventure in the north.   Next time I shall write about the camino itself where I finally was able to walk again with my father.

Tourists in San Sebastián

We have stories from the trail we would like to share —  stories about the places we visited,  the people we walked with, the Mexican surprise, the twins on the trail. Lots of stories. Unfortunately, we are lacking the requisite energy to share these stories in appropriate detail at the moment. Instead we are posting a few photos from our days in San Sebastián as regular tourists.  Willow and Theo discovered sand and fish, and the joys of hotel. They ended each day zonked.

Beauty, injuries and a beer

Our walk’s start date signalled an auspicious beginning to our camino. May 1 St is the Day of the Worker, a labour day,  except that here it is truly a celebration of people and not a day of shopping. The state of the economy this year has seen many protests gathering,  asking the governments for greater aid. The owner of our excellent hotel in Hendaye, the Bellevue, explained that the day is also hoped to bring luck for the rest of the year.  We hoped it would at least bring luck for our walk.

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Starting out, all nine of us!

Our rather large collection of pilgrims encompassed individuals at both ends of a spectrum of experience — Roger and my dad both having oodles of experience while Willow and Theo were clearly setting out for the first time.  The rest of the group offered in enthusiasm what the first two brought with their many kilometers underfoot. Suzanne has decided that walking will be a regular component of the PG health regimen, of our lives.

The day was great, despite my sprained ankle, John Ricketts damaged toes (from the terribly steep and relentless downhill), clouds which accompanied us but barely rained down on us, and our forgotten lunches. The twins seemed oblivious to all these small hindrances; they were happy with their singalongs, their new friends, their food breaks and their close-ups of the forests and the trail.

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Lunchtime

After a beautiful walk at a high level we descended — too quickly — into Pasaia where we enjoyed our celebratory drink.
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“I See You!”

I’ve been enjoying Theo’s kisses for about a month now.  He’s been getting better and better at it even though the smooch of his lips is more a clucking of his tongue.  In any case, his kisses are gentle and loving, and arrive most often just before bedtime when he’s letting us know he’s tired.  He’ll pull himself up beside me, and plant one right on my mouth.  Then, I know it’s time to settle him for the night.  Recently, however, I’ve caught Theo and Willow leaning in towards each other to plant a juicy kiss on one another’s lips. Unfortunately, too often it ends in a loud head-butt.  It’s always just a momentary and peaceful pause in a bustle of activity as they rove through their toys strewn about the floor.

They are finally becoming friends…or rivals, or at the very least, are beginning to acknowledge each other.  I wanted to think that from the beginning they have shared a special connection because of their first nine — or in their case — eight months together in the womb.  I’m sure they must.  I remember my excitement the first time I watched them, during one of their early feedings, reach across my then immense breast-scape to find each others fingers.  But it’s only now, a year later, that they are beginning to show regular evidence of their connection.  At mealtime we might catch them holding hands while they wait for their food.  Or, they each alternately tap their heads, enticing the other to do the same.  Perhaps the very earliest game of Simon Says.  Recently, chase has become their favourite together game.  They’ll careen down the hall and around the corner, one on the other’s tail, only to get to a dead end and the chaser then becomes the chased as they turn the game around.  Sometimes, and sadly already too often, they also acknowledge each other as rivals.  They might challenge each other for their favourite toy, a stray spoon or a piece of ribbon.  Theo’s starting to exhibit his tendencies as a provoker — grabbing a toy from Willow and placing it carefully on the far side of his body out of her reach.  Willow, on the other hand, readily exercises her vocal cords — voicing her displeasure for us, and all the neighbours, to hear.  But, the best of times are when Theo makes Willow giggle — a giggle, which at times can turn into a belly-aching chortle.  The first time we caught him acting as her clown was by accident when a couple of months ago we overheard them on the monitor during naptime.  He was throwing himself onto his blankets much to the pleasure of his audience of one.  Willow, sitting in her own crib, was holding her tummy as she laughed and laughed.  

We’re a family of four, but already there are also two teams of two.  I’m already looking forward to games’ nights.

http://youtu.be/uuaf5pFQRxs

 

Thank You

When Suzanne and I first started falling in love, I had to fight a feeling of nervousness.  I would ask her, “We feel so incredible and our love is so great already; have we reached the peak? Is this it? Where do we go from here?”  And, she would always and with great confidence tell me that our love would just keep growing, that it just gets better.  I’ve learned to accept that Suzanne is all too often right, and in this instance I’m so happy to say that yes indeed she was right and that our love continues to grow to encompass all of our friends, our dreams and now, our twins.

We wish to thank you for supporting us on the weekend by witnessing our commitment to each other.  Affirming our love in front of all of you helps build the house we live in.

We were able to stay one more night on our own — the sky was calm and the wrap-up to a wonderful weekend perfect.  Thank you to everyone.  We hope you enjoy our pictures of the ceremony and of candid shots around camp (and can also view John Anthony’s toast to the brides), and — of course — please send us your best images, in particular if anyone caught the vows on camera?

Lots of love,

Sara and Suzanne